Cathartic Confessions: My Love For My Human Ritalin

I’m just going to start writing.  I need to just type, or I’ll get distracted and forget to share this. 

My husband is home from another deployment to Afghanistan.  While he was gone, I was a mess.  Well, I felt like I was a mess.  I was a barely in control of my ADHD life.   Trying to balance fulltime parenthood, managing our home, starting my new career, and being halfway decent to me was so incredibly overwhelming.  I was mad my human Ritalin left and dumped all of this responsibility on me. 

Yes, he left purposefully because going to Afghanistan is soooooo much fun.  I just laughed at my ridiculousness.

So, I took control of my ADHD and got help.  I started working with a life coach, working out, eating better, and taking medication.  Something was off though.  I felt a little more centered, but I also felt like I was just going through the motions of my day. 

I missed my husband.  It was that simple.  Watching my son miss his father, disrupted sleep for months on end, and the constant little reminder that Jeremy was gone kept me distracted just enough. 

I had so many plans for writing, advocating, losing weight, the list seemed endless.  So little of that happened.  I feel like most days I was barely hanging on and that if I could just make through the day that would be enough of an accomplishment. 

I had my house super structured while he was gone so that I could function easier.  Now he’s home and that structure needs to change and I’m a little rattled.  As always Jeremy is patient with his incredibly ADHD wife and shows love and support. 

I am pretty sure I exerted all of my energy into maintaining our home that most everything else was a bonus when it happened. And that’s okay. I mean that too.  It really is okay. 

What I really need to share is how I feel about the man I love. 

Jeremy, there was not a day that went by that I didn’t think of you.  Anything I accomplished, found funny, every thought that pretty much popped into my head I wanted to share with you.  You were my first thought in the morning and my last thought at night.  I would long to see you sitting across the table from me so I could read to you my latest musings. 

I think to refer to you as my “human Ritalin” is incredibly unfair and stressful for you. I can only apologize. 

I can tell you this; the path that I started to get my ADHD back under control will not stop just because you are home.  In fact, I want to show to you, our son, and mostly me that I don’t need you to be my human Ritalin.  I want you and desire for you to be my husband because I am so in love with you. 

 

***Should this blog have been posted on Valentine’s Day?  Maybe.  I don’t think there is ever a time limit on when to tell your spouse that you love them.  Thank you!~Susan

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