Upheaval

I’m in an upheaval right now.  I’m trying to find the way to balance military life, motherhood, and my personal/professional life.  I’m trying to get it all done; whatever that means; and I’m trying to find all the answers.  I’m in an upheaval right now.

The last few weeks have been some of the hardest weeks for me professionally.  Here’s the thing, I don’t get paid for advocating for military families and pediatric healthcare.  I’m unpaid and paying the price of family time.

That’s been a hard sacrifice for me lately.

I can’t stop reflecting upon these last few weeks and just how difficult and overwhelming it’s all been.  TRICARE policy was getting crazier by the moment, my good friend actually spoke to the Secretary of Defense, Chuck Hagel, when he came to Fort Bragg, policies were reversed, and Express Scripts won’t give my Congresswoman a straight answer on compounded medications.

While my professional wheels are spinning, my personal life is getting ready to spiral out of control.

Troops are coming home, and my husband seems to be gone more and more.  That seems to be how it for us with this assignment.  My almost three year old seems to be rolling with the punches, but sometimes he just can’t.  The other day my husband was taking out the garbage and little Ian’s head popped up and out came “Daddy, don’t leave me!”  Taking out the garbage; that’s all he was doing.

I’m trying to make a point, I promise!

What all of this rambling is supposed to be about is that I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I’m busy.

I’m sorry that I’m feeling overwhelmed right now.

I’m sorry I don’t have all the answers.

I’m sorry that I’m sacrificing family time when my family needs me the most.

I’m sorry.  I. AM. SORRY.

That’s it; I’m simply sorry.

What I can tell you this that I am trying to get blogs and articles together.  I’m researching issues at this time while answers keep changing.  I’m trying to take care of my family, and wrap my head and heart around my husband’s future departure.

So I hope you can forgive me and my scattered brain and heart.  It will be that way for some time until a new routine is established and I learn to balance my life in a way that makes sense to both me and my family.

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